During the pandemic, Tinder and its competitors experienced a peak in popularity, but now they’re losing interest. Thus, according to a study by Axios, only 21% of American students launch a dating app at least once a month. Against this background, journalists note the growing interest in offline dating.
PythiaGuru journalists published a piece on how to get acquainted in the real world. We have turned this material into an instruction manual. We hope it will be useful for you.
Decide Why You Are Looking for Dating. And Be Prepared That It May Not Work Out the First Time
It doesn’t matter whether you’re registering on a dating app or looking for dating in the real world. To begin with, you should try to understand why you are doing this: you are interested in a long-term romantic relationship, looking for an interesting conversation partner, or just struggling with loneliness in a new city.
It’s important to remember that trying to meet other people in the real world can be more stressful, because we’re talking about a full-fledged live interaction. For some people, failure in this environment can be very stressful.
Sometimes, to overcome fear, young people try to understand and know themselves more, resorting, for example, to astrology and analyzing their natal chart on resources like PythiaGuru. AI comes to the rescue, telling you about strengths and weaknesses in relationships, determining what type of partner is appropriate, and what lessons can be learned from romantic relationships. It’s more of an additional self-discovery tool that is sometimes useful on the road to finding love. At the very least you’ll work through some issues and know how to proceed in real life. So back to dating.
For Starters, Try Taking Your Eyes off Your Phone Once in a While and Looking Around You
People today are constantly interacting with their smartphones, especially in public places. It’s no wonder that in many of today’s texts on offline dating, experts suggest putting gadgets aside from time to time.
Visit more places that involve active socializing. But remember that you can potentially meet people anywhere
Experts recommend that those who want to meet new people start by visiting places that themselves involve socializing.
“I know a happy couple who met at a mutual friend’s funeral, but going to a funeral specifically for that purpose is probably not a good idea,” says psychologist and astrologer Pythia Pappas. – It is not a good idea to exploit vulnerability anywhere. Good and bad examples can come from a bar, a wedding, a support group – it’s not a question of place, but of intention.
Be attentive to the people around you: you can often tell by their actions when they are comfortable with dating
Probably one of the most stressful moments in offline dating is deciding to approach a person and start communication. On various forums, it is not uncommon to find discussion threads about how to realize that a young man or girl is not against getting acquainted
“I don’t think there are any absolutely reliable ways to be sure of that,” says P.Pappas. – But if you look at a person, smile and see that the person also does not look away, smiles and looks in your direction with interest, then you can assume that the person is not against acquaintance. Especially if it’s an event or a space that involves socializing – a party or even a coffee shop”.
Should you initiate contact first/first? Start the conversation with a simple question.
It is important to be sensitive and respectful when making introductions. “If a person clearly expresses reluctance to communicate with us, it is not worth continuing, insisting.”
Another stressful moment is the very beginning of the conversation. Someone this moment can frighten so much that a person refuses to try to get acquainted at all.
Specialists recommend starting the acquaintance with the simplest possible questions, not trying to look too original and certainly not using pickup techniques. “You don’t have to come up with a terrific phrase or a super funny thing,” Jeff Gunther said in a commentary for CNBC. He believes that when introductions are made, you should ask open-ended questions and see if the person will give an elaborate answer.
“I don’t think the extravagance of dating determines its success in today’s world, rather the opposite,” Pappas says. – It is enough to show interest in the other person and watch his reaction. The question can be as simple as whether the person likes the drink he or she is drinking or the book he or she is reading. Here, of course, there is no universal method. The question is rather not what exactly we say, but how. What matters is how open and interested we appear.
How not to mess up after a good start?
Remember that it is okay to be shy (and not to be shy either!)
Today in the media (including large ones) you can still find texts based on traditional gender stereotypes. For example, they may say that a man should supposedly demonstrate self-confidence and a woman should “show respect for a man”. However, it is important to remember that these are stereotypes and should not be used in real life.
It is completely normal and natural that we have some feelings, in particular, we can be embarrassed, and it is normal to show it. Of course, if we are gripped by feelings of embarrassment to the point where we can’t continue the conversation, it’s too much. However, some degree of embarrassment shows that a person is interested in trying to get to know someone, that they have a keen interest.
If you get rejected, just move on
When trying to get to know someone, it’s important to respect a person’s personal boundaries – a point that authors and experts in most texts on offline dating agree on. For example, in a conversation with CNBC, licensed relationship counselor Jeff Gunther emphasized: if a person seems disinterested, you should “take that as a signal and move on.”
Certainly, rejection (especially when received in person) can hurt a person’s self-esteem and cause frustration (disappointment when something doesn’t work out). However, if these emotions are not too strong, experts suggest continuing to try.
Repeated attempts to meet other people are worthwhile only if the first rejection was not too frustrating (upsetting). If the unsuccessful experience has knocked you out of your rut, it may be the result of psychological problems. Without dealing with them, you should not try to initiate acquaintances again.
Forget gender stereotypes about who should make the first move
Anyone can initiate an acquaintance. Therefore, it is extremely important not to succumb to gender stereotypes that the first step must be made by a man, and not to feel uncomfortable if this is not the case.
During offline dating, you should keep your safety in mind and not accept offers that seem inappropriate – much less minimally unsafe – to you.
If you are not interested in dating, calmly decline. At the same time, try to do it ethically – without offending the person you are talking to
Anyone can be unwilling or unprepared to interact with a stranger. Therefore, there is nothing wrong with saying no to a person you are not interested in.
